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Threshold Transformations

a Holy Lament blog 

A sacred space for heartfelt reflections from our community members journeying through the Landscape of Loss

In the Depths of My Aloneness...

solitude Jul 01, 2024

In the Depths of My Aloneness…

…lies the Universe of Souls.

The truth of my core self that seems buried under thick sludgy layers of socialized fear. Fear of pain. Fear of grief.

The violet indigo heart-shine pulsing with yet another awakening as the death of the body nears, the light birthing itself once more. Here is the flaming heart roiling with cosmic substance like the metamorphosis of the Grinch’s own dark heart, breaking through its imagined cage. She expands, stretches with muscles pushing off the meaty suit, straining to shed that craggy old chrysalis and release the opalescent wings that elevate the Soul to Her highest Self when the last fleshy drops are kicked aside and She’s released.

This we do alone. We live alone within the skin. We die alone – no matter how crowded the room may be.

The car. The train. The plane crash. The cancer. The drowning waters. Final breath.

Alone, but not lonely. Our heart is listening.

In the depths of my aloneness are all the whispering voices of my missing ones: human, animal, tree. It is not only my eyes that are blind to their presence. My mind – caged– only finds them when I am consciously aware of my aloneness. When I’ve returned to the sweet softness of my solitude.

Nestled in.

And remembered.


By Becky Hoffbauer

Holy Lament member

Grief isn't an illness or mistake, it is a natural and sacred response to life’s inevitable losses. It is also a crucible for transformation. 

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