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Peonies and the Ants

grace May 07, 2024

Peonies and the Ants

In knowing I am human my mind allows disorder. My mind has all the stores of memories of places,  people and experiences and chooses how I believe I will be thought of, spoken of, seen or heard. 

These thoughts are not me. These thoughts are not of Christ. I allow these thoughts to permeate my  existence. I am resisting. I am moving through the years of conditioning, moving through the disorder to  reorder. 

I fall backwards all the time. I move forward as often as I allow the quiet to enfold me and stay in the  realm of all things are Christ.  

Sometimes I can see. Sometimes I cannot see. 

When I see, the world seems to align in all areas of my life. And then the unseeing begins again and I am  not sure I know where to place my next step. There have been many moments in my life when I chose the  unseeing because the seeing was just too painful. What I have discovered is that by allowing my heart to  see the pain, to allow it to fester until I have dropped to my knees, this is when the seeing begins. 

It begins to open like the bud of a new peony. I begin to see the ants marching up the stalk to open the  fresh bud. The bud will open with the work of the ants. This is the only way the bud will spring to life. I  cannot open the bud on my own, I will need to rely on and join in with the work of the ants. 

Understanding comes as we do the work together. 

The reward comes with the beauty of the fully opened peony bud.

by Colleen Peterson 

Holy Lament member

Grief isn't an illness or mistake, it is a natural and sacred response to life’s inevitable losses. It is also a crucible for transformation. 

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