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Threshold Transformations

a Holy Lament blog 

A sacred space for heartfelt reflections from our community members journeying through the Landscape of Loss

Red, Hot Flames

shattering Apr 17, 2024

Red, hot flames
The last time I saw you-
     was a mistake;
a picture fastidiously hidden away
     in a file.

My first response:
     “Oh (surprise).”

And, then,
     almost immediate,
“See. I’m FINE!”

Thirty seconds later…
     not so much.

A puddle of reaction and feeling.

     and sorrow,
          and devastating loss.

And fear.

Fear of how dear
     you still were
eight months later.

Of how dear, I knew,
     (in that deep down place) you always would be.

A part of the whole;
     my whole,
          the whole that is me.

     it was that special place you, indeed, fleed.

Tended to, at first,

like a newborn puppy.

And, then, threw…directly into the flames…
     of your own self-loathing,
     and fear.

Those flames licked away at my tiny, tender, newborn frame;

that which had unfolded with the trust I freely gave.

The fuzzy, baby hairs of shared
and soul connection-

singed away-
by the daggers of red, hot;
undigested rage;

that had nothing to do with me.

Baby puppy burned to a crisp.

How could you?

When I so openly and freely gave?

How could you throw away this most precious of gifts-
     right into those flames-

never to return again,
     the same?

How could you do that to me?

By Lara Hope
Holy Lament Member

Grief isn't an illness or mistake, it is a natural and sacred response to life’s inevitable losses. It is also a crucible for transformation. 

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